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Honey Mustard Sausage Trencher

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Pork sausage in a skillet with nonstick

The Scenario:

You have probably had enough roasts after Turkey season and the winter that never quite got started but now just won’t go away, so today here is another kind of hearty meal to see you through the dark nights that start a little after midday; and not just any meal, the kind of meal that you can eat while watching all of the Game of Thrones DVDs that you got for Christmas without feeling a little bit let down.

Sausages have got a bit of a bad reputation in the culinary world in that they require basically no skill or effort to cook well. There is also the problem that, once the sausage is made there is very rarely a damned thing that you can do to make it taste any better or worse than it was already going to taste. Anyway, it is time to get medieval, with a meal that you can eat with your bare hands or an axe if you so choose.

What You Need:

A stovetop

A frying pan

A small pot AKA a saucepan

A chopping board

A sharp knife

Ingredients To Serve Four Hungry People:

8 to 16 pork sausages, as cheap as you like as long as they are thick.

Beef sausages are also an option, and they can give the meal some extra meatiness.

A large loaf of unsliced crusty bread, preferably a sourdough or something similarly dense.

A white/yellow onion

Cider vinegar


Wholegrain mustard

Optional extras:

Shredded Cheese, to be sprinkled over the top before serving

As much ale as you can stomach! Any beer or lager is actually quite nice with this meal.

How To Do It:

1. The first thing that you want to do is to cut your bread, you aren’t going to be making it into slices, you are going to be cutting a big rectangle out of the middle to turn it into a giant serving dish. Once the crust has been sliced off the top, set it aside and pull out the innards of the loaf. Pop the top back on so it doesn’t go stale. Feel free to nibble at the scraps of bread that you just pulled out, or maybe set them aside to use as an ingredient in some other, breadcrumb based meal.

2. Chop your onion in half, then cut it into slices.

3. Put the frying pan on a high heat with a drop of oil in it, and leave it to warm up while you separate your sausages.

4. Pop your sausages in the pan and prick them with your knife on both sides, just to be sure.

5. After a minute or so, add in your onion.

6. Fry it. Fry it hard.

7. Once one side of the sausages are brown, turn them over, give the onions another stir to keep them from burning and warm up your little saucepan to a medium heat.

8. Add a tablespoon of honey to the saucepan for every three sausages, and add a teaspoon of wholegrain mustard for every tablespoon of honey.

9. Keep both pots moving so that nothing burns. Add a dash of cider vinegar to your onions to break up anything that is caramelising on the bottom of the pan and to ease off some of the inevitable sweetness.

10. Once the sausages are cooked, drain off the excess fat and water and drop the heat on the frying pan to medium.

11. Add your honey and mustard sauce to the sausages and stir it through.

12. Go and wash the honey pot with hot water quickly, you don’t want to wait until morning to deal with it.

13. While you were away the sauce should have thoroughly coated your sausages and onions, serve it all out into your hollowed bread. The juices and sauce should soak into the bread. Pop the top of the bread back on to keep everything warm as you take it through to your dining table/lap.

Rip and tear the bread. Eat the sticky sausages with your bare hands. Remember how much fun it used to be to eat like this without having to worry about cutlery and dishes. Just remember to turn on the DVD before you start eating, otherwise you are liable to get the remote stuck to your hand.

G D Penman writes books. He lives in Scotland with his partner and children, some of whom are human. In those few precious moments that he isn’t parenting or writing he likes to watch cartoons, play video games, read more books than are entirely feasible and continues on his quest to eat the flesh of every living species. He has worked in just about every job you can have in a restaurant and now he is here to yell at you for using a microwave when there is a perfectly good oven right there.

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