Welcome To Our 1 Man Kitchen

Jammy Pork Chops

Comfort Food Recipes 44

The Scenario:

Come with me into a world of imagination, where you have people around you on a Sunday Night instead of just sitting on the couch, covered in Dorito crumbs, staring at Netflix until 2am rolls around and you shuffle through to your bed. In this imaginary world, your friends, family, lovers or children will need fed, and you will be the one to feed them.

Meaty meals are pricey as hell, even chicken, which used to be so cheap that everyone used it for damned near everything, has been creeping up in price over the last few years, but one meat that seems to be holding steady is pork. Whether that is because pigs keep on being adorable in films, or because most people overcook pork so badly that they never want to eat it again. Either way, pork chops are still affordable enough that you can afford to eat them regularly, which means that you probably want to fancy them up a bit.

What You Need:

A stovetop

An oven

A baking tray

A large skillet

A little bowl

A small pot

A spatula

A spoon

A brush

Ingredients to Feed 1 Absolute Lunatic, 2 Burly Men or 4 Lesser Mortals:

1 and ½ tablespoons of chilli powder

1 and ½ tablespoons of garlic powder

½ tablespoon of salt

½ tablespoon of black pepper

1 teaspoon of powdered ginger

1 tablespoon of brown sugar

2 tablespoons of butter

4 medium to large pork chops

½ a cup of apricot jam

1 squirt of tomato ketchup

1 dribble of cider vinegar

½ of a lime

A dash of your favourite all-purpose hot sauce

Optional extras:

Even I am not enough of a maniac to suggest that you can eat a meal comprised entirely of pork chops, no matter how delicious they might be. If you were to have an entire meal of nothing but pork chops then you would probably need to eat all 4 of them yourself. Then you would get the meat sweats while watching Netflix until 2am.

Anything potato related is probably going to go down well with pork chops, pigs and potatoes are a match made in heaven. I personally prefer mashed potatoes with a little bit of shredded cheddar stirred through it to balance out the strong flavours of these chops but some seasoned fries or roast potatoes would do the trick too. You can throw some other vegetables on the plate too if you are so inclined. Something green maybe?

How To Do It:

1. The day before you plan to eat your chops, pull them out of the fridge. In a little bowl, mix together a tablespoon of chilli powder, a tablespoon of garlic powder, ½ a spoon of your sugar and a decent sprinkle of salt and pepper. Rub that all over your pork chops then wrap them back up and shove them into the fridge. If you are an absolute savage, you can do this a couple of hours before you eat. It would work, but in your heart you would know that it was wrong.

2. On the day that you plan on eating, pull them back out of the fridge to warm up to room temperature. While they warm up, heat you oven up to 350F or Gas Mark 4. While you are at it, toss your skillet on the stovetop on the highest heat you can manage and warm that up too.

3. Drop your butter into the pan, swish it around quick so that it doesn’t burn, and then toss your pork chops in too. If you overlap them, they won’t cook, so don’t be stupid.

4. Give them four minutes on each side, moving them as little as possible.

5. While you sizzle your pork (not a euphemism) pop your little pot on the stove at high heat.

6. Into your little pot, add your apricot jam, the rest of the sugar, the ginger, the rest of the garlic powder, the rest of the chilli powder, the ketchup, the vinegar, the hot sauce, the juice of the lime… basically anything that is left on the ingredients list goes into this pot right now and gets stirred like crazy.

7. Pop your pork chops onto the baking tray and absolutely coat them with the sauce from the pot, by the time you are done there should only be about half of it left.

8. Throw the pork chops into the oven for a little while, if they are thin chops then five minutes will be enough, if they are thicker then give them an extra minute or two.

9. Serve them out with the rest of the glaze/sauce thing poured over the top of them.

I had to remember making these chops to write this recipe down and now my keyboard is covered in drool. Because they are sealed in the skillet, all of the juiciness that pork chops usually lose, is held inside them. Then there is that spicy, sweet sauce over the top of them, the crisp outer surface contrasting with the succulent meat inside and… now my computer is completely waterlogged. Great. Just go eat your pork-chops and enjoy your evening while I try to fix this thing.

G D Penman writes books. He lives in Scotland with his partner and children, some of whom are human. In those few precious moments that he isn’t parenting or writing he likes to watch cartoons, play video games, read more books than are entirely feasible and continues on his quest to eat the flesh of every living species. He has worked in just about every job you can have in a restaurant and now he is here to yell at you for using a microwave when there is a perfectly good oven right there.

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