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Lil Jon’s Unofficial Recommended Shot List

Thirsty Thursdays 74

The Scenario:

It is coming into office Christmas party season, and in that spirit, today you are going to learn how to make all of the drinks that are mentioned in that traditional holiday classic “Shots” by LMFAO and Lil Jon.

Pour a chilled Red Bull, or energy drink of your choice, into a pint glass. Pour a shot of Jagermeister into a shot glass. Drop the shot of Jagermeister into the pint glass. Remember that you have to work with these people on Monday.

Wet the rim of a cocktail glass and coat it with sugar. In a cocktail shaker add a teaspoon of sugar to ice-cubes. Pour in a measure of vodka, a measure of cointreau or triple sec and an equal measure of lemon juice. Shake it until your fingers start to feel weird then strain it into the cocktail glass and serve with a slice of lemon. Do not kiss your boss.

Chill a shot glass, pour in half a measure of Butterscotch Liquer and top it with half a measure of Irish Cream. You can’t sing as well as you think that you can sing. Nobody wants to hear it. Please stop.

Don’t make these when you are already drunk. Just don’t do it. If you are sober enough to read this then you are probably alright. Boil a cup of water. Put your jello mix of choice into a mixing bowl, I recommend raspberry or lime. Add your boiling water and stir until the jello has dissolved. Add ½ a cup of cold water and ½ a cup of vodka. Stir it until it is all mixed through then serve it into little 2 oz cups and chill them until party time. What kind of office Christmas party has Jello Shots? Where do you work?!

If you can still remember how you made the Lemon Drops, do that again, but use lime juice and a slice of lime instead of lemon. Your boss’ office and the bathroom are different rooms. Do not get them mixed up.

Don’t worry, the sun must be coming up soon. You probably won’t even have to drink all of these. It is going to be alright. Pour out 1/3 of a measure of Tennessee Whiskey, top that with 1/3 of a measure of Scotch and then top that with Tequila. Then drink them all. If you drink enough then the hangover might not arrive for a full 24 hours. That is almost as good as being sober.

Congratulations! You made it through every single shot in that song without falling over, photocopying your ass or trying to sleep with a co-worker. Hopefully. Probably not. Let's be honest.

Of course, if you want to be completely true to the song you will also need to drink some straight Gin, straight Ciroc Vodka and some Patron Vodka on the rocks. That is probably not a great idea, but you have already come this far.

G D Penman writes books. He lives in Scotland with his partner and children, some of whom are human. In those few precious moments that he isn’t parenting or writing he likes to watch cartoons, play video games, read more books than are entirely feasible and continues on his quest to eat the flesh of every living species. He has worked in just about every job you can have in a restaurant and now he is here to yell at you for using a microwave when there is a perfectly good oven right there.