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Saint Patrick’s Day Booze

Thirsty Thursdays 65

The Scenario:


Alright, we have been sidestepping the issue for a while now, but lets talk seriously about how drunk you plan on getting on Saint Patrick’s Day. Is it going to be happy laughing drunk? That is always a popular choice, even if you might grate on the nerves a little. Is it going to be depressive drunk? That is the traditional Irish way to get hammered. If you can write some miserable poetry or a song about lost love while you are at it you could become a cultural icon. If you want to take a more American approach to the day, you might want to go all out, balls to the walls, shock and awe drunk. The kind of drunk where you wake up in Vegas a week after the day with three new tattoos, two new wives and a criminal record as long as your arm, which is convenient, because that is what you decided to get tattooed there.


Whiskey is a good choice for Saint Patrick’s Day, although it is hard to sustain a day of drinking if whiskey is involved. Guinness and stout are options too, but they are so heavy that you end up feeling full after just a couple of pints. There are countless bars that sell the usual beer with some green food colouring thrown in, which has as much to do with Ireland as a kangaroo. If you want to mix things up a little, here are some drinks that need some mixing, to give you a full day of the luck of the Irish.

The Chocolate Leprechaun:


This thing barely qualifies as a drink, let alone a cocktail, but if you can’t handle your liquor and still want to join in on the festivities, or you are just trying to pace yourself because you don’t really want the aforementioned tattoos, the Chocolate Leperechaun might just be the drink you need.


In a tall glass, mix one shot of Irish Cream with 2 tablespoons of chocolate syrup and using that same spoon, whisk in milk until the glass is full and frothy. If you have a proper milkshake maker on the premises then this thing is just a case of tossing ingredients in and pressing the button. Tasty additions include a spot of caramel, a sprinkle of chocolate flakes on the top or a second shot of Irish Cream.

The Irish Cola:


We are still in the shallow end of the drinking pool at the moment, but don’t worry, it will get stupid pretty soon. The Irish Cola is a surprisingly tasty mixture of a traditionally American cola and cream soda flavour with the strong undercurrent of whiskey. A great drink to have alongside the traditional Saint Patrick’s Day foods, which all lean towards the greasy, heavy and cheesy side of the menu.


In a cocktail shaker, mix a handful of ice with a shot of Irish Cream and a shot of the cheapest Irish Whiskey you can find until they have blended, pour them out into a short glass and top them off with cola. Not diet cola, which ends up creating a weird artificial flavour when mixed with the whiskey, but full fat, full sugar cola. Today is not about watching your calories.


Shamrock Juice:


Now we are getting into the cocktail looking cocktails, in particular, the bright green variety. This is the sort of thing that you might order for the ladies in your life, or for yourself after the first shot of whiskey burns away any sense of shame that you had to start with. Fair warning before you lay your hands on this pretty little drink, it is going to fuck you up, and not in a slow and subtle way. It has more alcohol in it than anyone sensible would drink.


Grab yourself a hurricane glass, the big silly looking ones that you imagine people drinking fruity concoctions out of on a beach somewhere, fill it up with ice and then pour; 1 shot of gin, 1 shot of white tequila, 1 shot of white rum, 1 shot of vodka, 1 shot of Blue Curacao and top it all off with orange juice. It will make a pretty layered effect in the glass that you will need to stir before drinking, but that should still impress anyone that you offer it up to.

The Golden Emerald Shooter:


This is one for later in the day, when you need to keep that buzz going but don’t want to slog through a whole pint of booze to get to it. If you get the chance to taste it earlier in the day, you might be pleasantly surprised by the way that the unique flavours of cinnamon and melon blend together into something entirely new in this drink.


Shake a shot of Midori, a shot of Vodka and a shot of Goldschlager with some ice in a cocktail shaker until it they are thoroughly chilled, then strain the concoction out into a tall shot-glass. I have never had a drink quite like this one, whatever you are expecting it to taste like, you will be wrong. Just be careful that it doesn’t become your regular drink, because every other day of the year, if you order one, nobody will have a clue what you are talking about.


Have a Happy Saint Patrick’s Day from everyone here at One Man Kitchen, and remember to either drink responsibly or to send us a picture of your stupid Vegas tattoo to post on the site as a warning to future generations.

G D Penman writes books. He lives in Scotland with his partner and children, some of whom are human. In those few precious moments that he isn’t parenting or writing he likes to watch cartoons, play video games, read more books than are entirely feasible and continues on his quest to eat the flesh of every living species. He has worked in just about every job you can have in a restaurant and now he is here to yell at you for using a microwave when there is a perfectly good oven right there.

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